I look better un-naked...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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