Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
as a side note pls kill me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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