Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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