If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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