Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
