hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
