I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
