: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
