the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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