she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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