I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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