If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
