There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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