the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I love having hate sex.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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