sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
