I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
This baby is an asshole
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
