I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
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How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
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This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
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