I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
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I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
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I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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