So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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