4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
