I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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