After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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