I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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