My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
