I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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