I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
