My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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