I puked a lego.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
