I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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