Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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