She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
