Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
