its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
