Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
