just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just wanna soil my oats bro
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
