You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
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