after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
