Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
