ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
