I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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