i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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