Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
