You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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