why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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