he shaved USA in his pubs
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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