Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
