You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
