I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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