he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
