i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
