I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
