I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
