if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
what day is it and did you see me today?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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