I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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