I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
