How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
