Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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