Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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