we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
