My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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