hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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