I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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