at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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