Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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