I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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