i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
