omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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