we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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