The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
