In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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