so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
