Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
