my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
