Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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